hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
