She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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