I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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