so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
