Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Can i not drive my cunt home
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
