by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
