I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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