When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
