I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
it glows. i had to have it.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
