I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize