@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
