i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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