it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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