absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
we're so committed to being not committed
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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