Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
