Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
