She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
