I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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