He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
