Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
