If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
