Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
