i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
