lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
