i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
