wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
