its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
