I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
