I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize