what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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