community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
