i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize