Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
