I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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