yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
