our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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