Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
