paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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