Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
