I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I can't put those talents on a resume
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
