Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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