am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
