Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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