why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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