it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
