So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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