i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
