Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i love accidental penises.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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