you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
