Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
