New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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