wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
