hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
