did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
