I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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