I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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