Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
