I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
