I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
