I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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