There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
