I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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