You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Operation Purity has been aborted
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
