I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I will pee on everything he values.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
