I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
