4 words: hood of his car
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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