We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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