hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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