oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
