someone threw a dead crab at me
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
